Golden Reveries

Well, Spring Semester is gone and now we are going into the 7-week break. I am still living up in Rexburg at Bunkhouse due to once again feeling like I should stay there for the time being. Interestingly when I went to sing up for my 7-week contract I was going to sign for Fall as well but felt that I shouldn't, which left me with the question: Where should I be living in the Fall and why not Bunkhouse... or even more pertinent, why this other place? I felt impressed to try Nauvoo after riding in the car to Driggs for fireworks at the Jon Huntsman Resort. I came to find out that there is a waiting list of about 150 guys and not a lot of hope of getting a contract. But you know me, I don't give up when I feel directed to do something. So I talked to EVERYBODY I knew who had connections with Nauvoo and had them talk to other people who they knew. I eventually ended up tracting out the entire complex one day and gave my name and number out to a lot of guys. It was a fun experience and I met a lot of great people.

Now to the stuff that you really want to know about: the ladies. Boy oh boy, when will it all end. How do I lay this out simply... I became unintentionally interested in a girl who ended up getting engaged to a great guy. Then tried asking another amazing girl on a couple dates but really didn't feel any chemistry. Then I found out that another young lady who was kinda, maybe interested in me and took time to talk one-on-one with her a few times, still no chemistry and I kinda said I'd take her on a date in the fall which would be super fun cause she's fun and cute and great to talk to. Then I met this girl who I had some good conversations with but really don't feel like I should pursue that route any further. And then I got another girl's number and tried calling her, ended up sounding like a complete dufus on the phone and called at a bad time, not expecting to recover from that but I have to try again for the sake of giving it a decent chance. And throughout all of this I can't help compare each attempt-at-pursing-a-relationship with the one I had with Jacqueline. Now that is a story worth telling.

It started out as genuine and earnest conversation between her and I in the library while she was waiting to receive her mission call AND going on dates with tons of guys (okay, not THAT many). I remember asking for her number (she would interject here that she made me ask for her number and for the date, which I would both validate and contradict) and she said I couldn't ask her on a date then and there but I had to ask for it later in a proper manner. Then when I did end up calling her two or three days later she was dating a guy and had to decline. After a week (I think) we met in the library and were talking once again in the same manner as before. She had stopped "dating" the guy who interrupted the first attempt at a date. We talked about a lot of things: compatibility in relationships, dating, relationships in general, and being able to make it work between two good, faithful people. Then came the good part: the two of us was given as the example of two people making it work, and the other said "Ya, we could." Then we both kind of did a sort of verbal double-take "Wait, you mean that?" "Ya, why not?" "Okay, let's do it." "Ya, let's do it!" And it has thus far been the greatest ride of my life so far.

I had never cared so selflessly for the well-being of another person in my entire life. Each day I became more and more desirous to assist the other in achieving as much good as possible. My heart and mind were drawn towards that purpose and in the process was drained beyond my infinitesimal abilities and refilled with a capacity far beyond my own. I had a small glimpse, a brief taste, of the better life. It was soooooooo difficult during those weeks, each day of which literally seemed like a year to me, but was so enriching and rewarding. I go back to those memories often, with a small tinge of sadness that my feelings as they once were are now hedged up in a manner that I did not think could be possible. But I trust in my Father and will not stop following His will. In time. Just go to work and serve others.

I look forward with hope that I will one day experience a joy and fulfillment beyond imagining from a relationship meant to last for all eternity. Like that of George Padley and Sarah Franks.

Here again...

Well, here I am in Rexburg during another spring semester off-track. I once again felt like I needed to be up here despite there being some obvious reasons to stay home in Oregon (family, free rent, easier to get a job, etc.) I don't regret, however, following the impression to remain here for the spring.

So far this semester I have managed to catch up on sleep, relax a little, and settle into my place at Bunkhouse. My roommates are pretty much the most amazing people in the world. I couldn't have asked for a better apartment for this summer. I also accepted the invitation to be an Outdoor Activities Coordinator for rock climbing and slack lining, which has been fun so far. And my calling in the ward is Elders Quorum Activities... guy. Both of these things have got my brain wondering over the future possibilities because I've really been pondering over my future career choices.

Recently I have looked closely into being a Physician Assistant, Physical Therapist, or some sort of Counselor. As I looked into these possibilities I really came to believe that I can really do anything that I put my heart and mind to, nothing is outside the combined efforts of the Lord and myself. Being honest with myself, however, I really see that the outdoor adventure education setting really does make me happy. Outdoor environments where people can open up, have fun, unwind, learn, grow, and make memorable experiences with meaningful people. I love the mixture of education, leadership, recreation, and counseling that make up the experiences that my work provides. My only concern is supporting my future family financially in a secure manner. I really just want to do what's best for my family and not just for my own personal satisfaction, though I understand that a balance of the two is optimum. As for now, it will be something that I will ponder upon over the summer and seek to plan out the best I can.

I really enjoy our FHE sisters as well, they are all very charming young ladies and know how to have a fun time. This past monday we played signs and a game with circus peanuts. We all laughed a lot, but not quite as much as Amy, our FHE mom. It is soooo fun to get her laughing because she can't stop and sometimes has to leave the room to regain composure. We all love it so much.

Oh, and I deactivated my Facebook account again, which feels so good. Last time I did it was about a month before I helped put on the Raise the Roof charity event and I had to activate my account for marketing purposes. I'm just glad it's gone again. My sister, Jennie, just texted me the other day and said that she decided to deactivate hers as well, though I don't think she has experienced the full beauty of the choice just yet. Mandy, my other sister, turned hers off a long time ago and hasn't regretted it. Now, I know Facebook isn't inherently bad, I'm just saying that for me, it is something that I do better without than with.

I hope I write in my journal more this summer, I'll definitely have the time, I just hope I find the motivation. Well, good night, sleep well, most likely kill you in the morning.